I had everything.
Everything is at my fingertips – my life, the future of my children, my plans and my dreams.
I made plans to move to live in the forest Bucha near Kyiv, where my friend invited me, my children often talked about the same plan, I sat quietly on Klovsky Spusk this summer on the balcony of a French cavern and drank expensive coffee and watched the passers-by, the rebuilt Kiev life.
Then it seemed to me that only the air had not changed – it was compressed and stuffy on a hot day. And the sparrows had not changed.
In general, all the birds are there, in Kiev. They are of the same sizes, always hungry, always watching us from above.
Cappuccino, different types of coffee, hot chocolate – you can choose four or five types. Paris probably does not know this.
Huge tables with food and large groups of friends talking animatedly. I still dual: how good it is for them.
There were so many posters, so many exhibitions and events that in the evening the eyes ran wide : where to go, what to do, what to see. Preferences were given to especially interesting events.
Returning to a rented apartment, trying as much as possible to walk on foot … taking off swollen, buzzing legs, stagnating in silence, absolute silence and the phrase – if only it didn’t disappear anywhere, didn’t change, preserved, remained intact…..
We underestimated these moments.
We did not hug our loved ones.
We didn’t meet especially dear people, we didn’t talk about the most painful with friends, we didn’t pet the dog, we didn’t put on the most beautiful dress, we didn’t open the door …
My life was often changed. Losing everything, I started from the beginning, confident in myself, in my abilities, in overcoming difficulties.
I often left, left … but then returned.
All this was before February 2022, until February 24, 2022
I always believed that life would torment a good person, but then leave him, let him live, end the test and let him go. This is definitely what happens.
It will test, torment, incinerate and weaken, but then leave. You just need to remain human. Difficult, difficult, but necessary.
All this was before February 2022, until February 24, 2022
My faith is also higher than the betrayals and betrayals that are and will be. But seeing this, I did not prove anything to anyone, did not correct or quarrel, I learned to silently go my own way.
We will have everything
So I began to think after February 2022, after February 24, 2022.
Yes, it will. We’ll just take everything away and return it and earn money and build it. For this we live, for this now young guys, men and old people in Ukraine have taken up arms to defend and protect us, our children.
How painful it is now to hear, watch and receive news about the death of one of the acquaintances, about the mutilated shot people of Kramatorsk, who died under the rubble in Borodyanka, and were tortured to death on Yabunevskaya Street in Bucha.
I want silence.
Everything will be different.
It will be. The main thing is to understand that only when it all turns into memories will everything be different.
No, not in February after 24….
I am writing this post as if I am talking to you. I know that the one who reads this post has already read my first posts, which are already more than 5 years old and were the very first steps into the world of meeting you.
I know how much you loved my ellipses – a special style and ellipses.
Today is my first day after February 24, 2022, when I calmly wear a computer and write a post.
behind a lot of work, tomorrow again a new week, volunteering, working with the editing of films and clips, maybe even a return to the pictures.
I remember one thing – when I collect boxes of humanitarian cargo for Ukraine, working with my hands, closing them, transferring them to my hand, I feel a special warmth. Where does so much strength come from?
Remember everything as clearly as possible
Very cold spring this year
Spring after February 24, 2022